If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
