id be glad to
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
so much tequila, so little girl.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
