Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
