Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
