What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
