hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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