I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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