I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
