I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
