I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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