so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
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I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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