A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
