im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
