There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
