Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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