Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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