Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
