My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
