some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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