He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
