Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
