Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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