At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
