She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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