I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
