Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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