I need help removing her.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
