dude i'm inner monologue high
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she peed on how many people?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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