Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
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You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
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She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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