One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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