Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
