Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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