I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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