I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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