i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
