do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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