i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
