Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
