News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
