Yo dont text me then not text me
I am midnight drunk by noon
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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