Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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