he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
