Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just puked most of my soul out..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
