I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sext me about skeletons
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
