I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize