just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
