watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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