I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
