well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
