Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
