Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
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We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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