shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
