i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
