in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
