You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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