I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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