I can tuck mytits in my pants
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Randomize
