I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
