If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
