Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
