Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
